Feb. 1st, 2003

Well this is my first entry and I am not quite sure what I'm doing so I guess I will give it a go. I have tried other journal sites in the past. I tried one at freeopendiary.com, and will probably keep that journal, as I have so many friends there. So I will probably be keeping two of the same journal but I am a uni student so does it really matter?
My boyfriend, told me to try this so here I am. He goes in for surgery today and I'm scared. And if I'm feeling scared, I can't even imagine what he's feeling. I just feel so helpless, as I am not there. I know there isn't anything I can do from there anyway, but still, I'm so far away. Of course we both knew that this would be a problem, and we discussed this when we discussed the long distance thing, but it's different when it's actually happening.
I think this is hard for me too because I have never trusted doctors. I called my gram last night and she agrees with me. After what happened to my mum, I will never trust a doctor again. It's hard to believe that if a doctor had not messed up, she would probably still be alive today. So trusting the life of someone I love to a doctor is not an easy thing for me. I know he trusts his doctor and that's cool but I don't, and that's hard for me. However, there is no alternative so here I sit... nine minutes until he goes in for prep, and I can't sleep... The only thing I can do is pray. I know he will be fine but...

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awallens

January 2012

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